Why do new year resolutions fail

How to make soul led resolutions

New Years are a time to make change!! Or are they?

Do we really need new years to wake up?

Does nature decide on new years to provide everyone with insights and motivation and awareness?

Does the universe need an arbitrary time like that?

Oh… but who said anything about insight… it’s the resolutions we are talking about…

It takes commitment and effort, ofcourse.. but ask anyone who has ever been able to make any meaningful lasting change in their life make it with commitment, but also something has to change from the inside…

You have to be convinced that you need to change… That moment of insight and awakening can touch you, any time…

To make a New Year’s resolution, by itself, is an act of procrastination, unless the moment of insight comes to you on Dec 31st.

A client said to me recently… “I just realized, procrastination does not go away, you have to work with it, and do some things despite it” And I said “There is no procrastination in the things you really want to do.”

Have you indulged in a novel that made you forget sleep and hunger?

Or perhaps a video game that you played for 10 straight hours, and then went to work after it? Or done anything with all your heart in it? You throw yourself into the task, and the sense of time disappears?

I am not saying that one never procrastinates, most changes in today’s world a lot of times, have parts to them that are boring and not your cup of tea…

Doing the research before applying to a college, doing the paperwork when applying for a new job etc, what I am saying is that in most areas of our life we are not held back by paperwork..

What New Year resolutions fail most of the time? Losing weight, adopting a healthy diet, exercising, self love, more reading, start meditating or journaling, not screaming at kids and so many more that do not require paperwork or formalities… but they need one thing..

INTENTION!!

So, why do most new year resolutions fail?

The one person that we see in the mirror, is just one of many that you have on the inside… You really have several parts, maybe like 7 or 8… and when you make a resolution not consulting them, and act like a dictator or a bad leader and you do not have a buy-in from the rest of them… they don’t cooperate…

You have a lazy one, you have one who is scared of relationships, one that feels threatened when your authority is challenged, a playful one, a wild one….

Not only have you not consulted them, you have locked them up, neglected them, not acknowledged them… But they are there, and if you do not negotiate with them consciously, they will sabotage your plans, without you knowing….

What can you do? 

Make deals…. Be a good negotiator..

Psyche (soul) loves deals… Bring all members to  the table and ask what they want? What would it take for it to not sabotage your plans? Give and take… 

“Lazy one, how about we will be a slob for an hour, and then you will let me work for the next hour?”

“Playful One, We will have one full day of play or an hour of play everyday, or will find an opportunity in every moment to be playful, if you let me.. x,y,z…”

Then listen to them with your heart… they may not agree, they may have a counter offer… listen, listen, listen… until you can reach a deal that satisfies every one…

This year, when the year started, I decided to make some soul-led resolutions inspired by Dr. Stephen Aizenstat…

Yes I will work on all the agendas of my dictator self, but I also want to know, that unknowable mystery within me, that animates me, what does it desire?

How do we know what our soul’s desires are?

Sometimes we sense the rightness of our lives, sometimes we have a feeling of being in alignment, a deep sense of peace and effortlessness when we are walking on the path of soul led desires.

But these are usually the feedback mechanisms after we have made a choice, how do we set soul led intentions? 

Soul speaks in images…So, turn off your rational, reasoning mind and turn imaginative mind on, childlikeness on, and play… you dance to music, go for a walk in nature, and you allow an image or images to appear…

The image that came to me was a twig, hanging from the top, coming onto the right side of my head and face, covering half my face, filled with white flowers…I looked at the flowers, felt them on my face , smelled them and allowed them to fill me, I could feel the flowers whisper…

Flowers, like all other nature, don’t try too hard to prove anything….To be more colorful, or bigger or better than the rest of them… Or add an extra feature to get more attention…. They don’t try to be anything other than their essential nature…

They also don’t question “Am I worthy, WHO do I think am I to bloom?”

And they don’t hide and shrink either, they don’t play small, they don’t fake humility, they bloom in their full glory, they are not afraid of being seen….

As I ponder over this and consider it as my soul’s desire… I look at this plain twig of flowers, half covering my face, and I put a hand on my heart and I make an intention to not puff up and lose my ground but also not play small or hide… I’ll bloom in all my glory, I’ll let myself be seen.. 

And as I made this promise, I almost saw the flowers wink and smile!!