What are failed relationships?
For some, difficulties in love, create a tragedy, eat at them, hollow them out, make them suffer….
For others difficulties in love force them to live at their edge, at a place where new insights are born, and whereas it may never get easy…. it is a very rich ‘failed’ love……if at all…
What is successful love? Romantic or otherwise?
A relationship in constant sweetness and bliss.. a relationship where you will always look into beloved eyes with sweetness, affirmation and support?
A relationship of fierce, unwavering, undying physical attraction?
A relationship where there is unconditional positive regard, which grows deeper despite occasional ups and downs?
A relationship that survives time, one that lasts? Where you say I ll love to be in this same relationship if i get another life, or get a chance to do it all over again?
(Can you ever be in state 100 percent of times)
What is a failed romantic relationship?
A relationship gone sour? or bitter?
You may be together, but no concern or regard for each other? Or may be secretly happy at each others suffering?..
Or you see your partner get sick, or lose and think to yourself with eyes rolling (I told you, or what else did you expect, or You should have listened to me, or feel indifferent?)
Or you constantly question … do I truly love him/her? Should we be together? I want the best for them, but do I love them? And then you get lost in the question.. what are the rules of love?
Is there an American association of love with a diagnostic criteria, where you have to answer at least 6 out of 10 yes to diagnose love?
You care about your partner’s feelings, you want them to be happy, but you can’t give them what you think they want? It can be more psychic space in your thoughts, or more time in your day, or more texts sent, or more physical intimacy …
(the very mystery has no diagnostic criteria?)
Or that you constantly want diffrent things, and care about one another and yet can find no activities you enjoy together?
Or that you have failed the test of time? and you are not together after a while?
Or that at end of your life, you secretly think to yourself, I’ ll opt for something else if I have to do it all over again, or I’ ll opt for something else if given a choice, in afterlife or in another life?
Aren’t these the case in all relationships, sometimes?
In fine details, many a times, failed and successful relationships look very much similar….
Whether your love is failed or successful depends on what you believe about it…
The question remains….
In difficulty with love…
As you masochistic … “God is not fair, my lovelife should have been better than this, I should have taken more time to decide, my partner should be more thoughtful…..” ?
Do you think you failed because you had difficulties in love life?… Who doesn’t?
OR you live in this middle space.. “Do I love that person or not” at the edge, letting this discomort of not knowing, cook you?
And your life continues to get richer and richer from insights that one gets from being at the edge of psyche??
In real relationships you change, and your desires change, and your dreams change, your thoughts and feelings change
The quality of consciousness changes
Being in love can feel different at 16, and at 25, and at 40 or 80
As I have matured, I have started to tolerate things that were absolute intolerable to me, I have found every corruption that is out there, “in here” as well, and therefore the way I see the world, and people and live my life, has changed…
I have questioned my loves, my loyalties, my passions, my identity, my preferences, my values…
I have found selfrighteousness in being ‘perfectly’ humble, I have found contradictory motivations underneath my professed values….
My relationships shatters my inner peace every day, and triggers another converstaion of another lost part of me, brings back the denied hated parts back, rips apart old wounds, and forces me to examine, that I would never examine otherwise…
My life is not a fairy tale, and certainly not a bollywood movie, and I do not know if I can call it successful….
Because on the days that it feels successful, look very much the similar on days when it feels a failure…
In fine details of life, failed and successful relationships, look very similar…
Amber Tariq
Depth Coach
#Jungian psychology #jungiancoaching #depthcoaching #relationships #love
Disclosure: It is not a fact or THE truth, just my opinion and this argument does not apply to abusive relationships.
